


The value of poo

by Bill_Longbow



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Dad!Tony, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, OC Emma Stark, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 21:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12920286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bill_Longbow/pseuds/Bill_Longbow
Summary: When Tony takes his baby daughter to an art gallery, things do not go as planned.





	The value of poo

**Author's Note:**

> I found this unanswered prompt on the Imagine Tony and Bucky Tumblr:
> 
> Tony takes his baby daughter to an art gallery (at the insistence of Pepper), and Bucky's there to support Steve. In front of an ambiguous piece of modern art, the baby points to a splotch in the painting and deems it "poo". Unfortunately this gets Tony into a bit of a fuss with the artist, and that's when Bucky decides to help the gorgeous man he's been eyeing all night instead of the art. 
> 
> I hope it's to your liking!
> 
> Thank you to Charmedlily for beta-ing!

"Okay Cinderella, do you want anything else to drink?"  
  
"Nonononono!"  
  
"I'll take that as a no, then," he smiled at his baby girl as he wiped the porridge off of her chubby cheeks while deftly manoeuvring himself out of sticky hand reach.  
  
Once he deemed her sufficiently goo free, he picked her up and got a huge open mouthed kiss on his eye.    
  
"Your aim is getting better, sweet cheeks." He blew a raspberry on her belly, making her (and himself) dissolve into giggles.  
  
He hoisted her in her red polkadot coat and put her in the stroller. She put up a valiant fight, but this wasn't his first baby wrangling rodeo. She quit fighting as soon as he closed the buckles, like she always did.  
  
"We're going out and I don't think the city of New York is ready yet for a tiny Starkette on the loose, so stroller it is."  
  
"Nenenenene," she assured him.  
  
" _You_ might think so, but don't think I've forgotten the bathtub incident of last week." He checked the diaper bag. Okay, diapers, wipes, two sets of clothes, formula, bottle, water, bib, raisins, baby cookies, sunhat, raincover, Moumou the giraffe, crinkly booklet, shiny rattle, soft rattle… Maybe add another bib, just in case. He shrugged into his jacket, and raced to the living room and back.  
  
"Let us be off!" He declared loudly.  
  
"Thathathat," was the enthusiastic answer.  


  
It was only a short stroll to the gallery. In the old days, the days before broken nights, snot stains and the most heart warming sleepy cuddles ever, he would've already been there. And that was including a stop at that one coffee shop to flirt with the baristas.  
  
Now he was speedwalking through the Saturday throng, trying not to hit anyone with the stroller and hoping he was in time for the big reveal.  
  
Just take Emma with you, Pepper had told him when he tried to explain he had no babysitter. Like it was easy. Like he hadn't spend the last two hours getting his baby ready to go outside and forgetting his own breakfast. Too late to get anything now. Maybe he would be lucky and they served something to munch.  
  
They arrived just in time for the reveal of the exhibition's main piece. A horrid green and brown swamp like, abstract painting, spanning nearly six by six feet. The artist next to it, a pudgy looking man with, seriously, a comb over? looked extraordinarily pleased with himself. He was talking to admirers and explaining something about the frailty of something. Tony was glad the overall noise drowned him out.  
  
"Okay baby doll, let's go find aunty Pepper."  
  
He zigzagged in between the crowd, his daughter waving at everyone like she was the queen of Sheba, endearing herself to anyone in sight.  
  
Suddenly her arm shot out. "Thè! Pep pep!"  
  
Pepper turned around and smiled brightly at them. "Emma sweety!" She unbuckled her niece and put her on her hip. "You look very pretty in your coat today. And are those Captain America sneakers? You're a style icon, missy. Tony, the Japanese delegates are that way, in the hall next to that picture of the Chrysler building. Go work your magic. We'll entertain ourselves, won't we?" Emma was happily sucking two fingers and staring around in wonder.  
  
Tony repressed a sigh, he could've been at the park now, instead of chatting up prospective investors. On his way to the delegates he spotted a table with canapes. Great, they might get him through the next hour, hopefully. He stuffed two in his mouth and picked up two more when he looked up into a gorgeous pair of blue eyes, staring at him bemused from a gorgeous face, attached to a gorgeous body. The gorgeous man winked and grinned at him, before saying something to his friend.  
  
Tony managed not to suffocate, but only just, as he ducked his head and scrambled around the corner and out of view. Why? Why be spotted by a walking wet dream when he was looking like a chipmunk with a piece of chive hanging out of his mouth? He must've used up all his spare karma points when he got Emma.  
  
He quickly devoured the other two snacks and cleaned his hands on a wet wipe from his pocket. Ha! Parent for the win.  
  
The Japanese prime delegate was a surprisingly nice fellow and they made an arrangement for further negotiations. Pleased, Tony made his way back to his daughter and Pepper, who were having a good time. Emma was showing off her walking skills, sidling sideways along the bench and pointing at random things, telling Pepper about them.  
  
Tony quickly snapped a photo before joining them.  
  
"Mission succeeded, Miss Potts." He scooped up his little girl who had dropped on her belly with the intention of crawling away as fast as possible.  
  
"Oh no you don't."  
  
"Dada! Namnamnamnam."  
  
"I understand, but there's too many people in high heels here, I don't want you to get stabbed."  
  
Emma threw a fit, which consisted of her wailing her lungs out while trying to throw her little body backwards like a whale.  
  
"What are you doing, Miss Stark?" Tony tickled her tummy, making her laugh and instantly forget what she was angry about.  
  
"Can we go now, Pep? I don't know how long I can contain this beast." Emma smiled hopeful at him so he tickled her some more.  
  
"Actually, I was hoping you would look at some of the art as well? I'm thinking about ordering a commission, but I'm not sure who to choose."  
  
Tony sighed and took the packet of baby biscuits from the bag, offering one to Emma and putting one in his own mouth as well. He hoisted the baby up on his arm and slung the bag over the other shoulder.  
  
"I'll look this way, you do that side and then we compare," Pepper decided and walked away.  
  
  
There were a few nice pieces. He personally really liked a painting of the New York skyline, there was this melancholy in it that somehow spoke to him.  
  
"Help me remember the name Rogers, okay cupcake?"  
  
Emma had her own opinions, pointing and babbling nonsense words to which Tony hummed or tsked. They made their way over to the main piece, when the crowd around it had dissipated a bit.  
  
"Poo," was Emma's opinion. To be sure she pointed and declared it again, louder. "Poo!"  
  
"Yes! Smart baby! It's exactly like poo! Well done you." He hugged her fiercely. He was so excited, this was her first understandable, well articulated word! He turned around to go tell Pepper, but came eye to eye with the artist, who seemed ready to explode.  
  
"Poo," Emma said again as she pointed over her shoulder at the painting.  
  
"I've never--" The artist was lost for words, hands balled at his side.  
  
"Poo?"  
  
"You should be ashamed of yourself! Teaching your kid to devalue someone else's work like this. Do you have any idea the amount of time that goes into planning and executing something of this stature?" A vein in the artist's forehead was throbbing distractingly.  
  
"Not much, I wager," Tony muttered. In his arms Emma was quiet now, two fingers in her mouth, staring at the artist with large eyes.  
  
"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" The artist all but yelled.  
  
Emma's lower lip wobbled and Tony started to bounce her up and down, trying to get out of this situation asap, when Gorgeous Man stepped in between them.  
  
"I think you should tone it down, buddy," he growled while bending toward the artist a little, giving Tony prime view of a muscled back, with a muscled butt and, wow, those pants should be illegal.  
  
The artist tried to say something in retaliation, but Gorgeous Man put his hand on Tony's shoulder and proceeded to steer him away. "Come on, doll, let's leave him to his excrement."  
  
Tony couldn't help the giggle that escaped him, and Emma joined in, adding her own happy squeal.  
  
Once they were a safe distance away Gorgeous Man sat them down on a bench.  
  
"Thank you, that could've gotten embarrassing real quick," Tony said while he searched the diaper bag for something to play, coming up with the giraffe.  
  
"Moumou! Thathat!"  
  
"Don't worry about it." Gorgeous Man looked at Emma as she was chewing the head of her toy. "Now, what's a pretty thing like you doing here?"  
  
"Lack of babysitter, unfortunately." Tony scratched his head. He didn't trust Emma to a total stranger, and he didn't have friends or family in abundance.  
  
"I meant you, doll." Gorgeous Man eyed him appreciatively, but Tony snorted a laugh.  
  
"I'm sorry. You got the heroing thing going for you, but your game sucks," he said with a grin. Gorgeous Man looked sad, so he added: "But because you're gorgeous I'll give you another chance." The other man looked up at that, and Tony noticed his eyes were more a kind of grey than blue, very distracting. He startled when Emma pushed a sopping wet giraffe in his face.  
  
"Ughl, thanks sweety, I think I'll pass." He tried to give the toy back but Emma refused and started to fuss. Probably naptime soon. "Okay little lady, let's get you home and in bed. Thanks again Mister..?"  
  
"Barnes. James, but everyone calls me Bucky." Gorgeous Bucky looked like he wanted to add something, but thought better of it. Flirting was a lot less fun with a baby involved. Tony understood but was a bit disappointed.  
  
"See you around then, Bucky."  
  
  
It took some time to find the stroller, put the baby in and say goodbye to Pepper, but within ten minutes he was out the door, a new personal record.  
  
He wasn't even a block away, Emma was sleeping sweetly already, when someone caught up with him and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked around, expecting someone out for a selfie, but was surprised to see Bucky.  
  
"Yes?" He asked lamely.  
  
"I eh, I overheard your friend? The terrifying redhead? She, eh, she chewed that asswipe out for attacking you. And eh, she mentioned you're single?" Bucky looked hopeful but shy.  
  
This was confusing. "Pepper mentioned my relationship status when berating that artist?"  
  
"Yeah, said you were an example to us all. And eh, I thought, well, I might stand a chance now, without a Mrs. Doll in the picture." Bucky ran a nervous hand through his hair.  
  
"Ohh. That's… You might, now you mentioned it."  
  
"Yeah?" The trepidation on Bucky's face made way for a smile. He really was gorgeous.  
  
"You wanna go for a stroll? You have my undivided attention for the next hour or so, providing we keep moving."  
  
"Okay, yes! Let's do that." Bucky put his hand on Tony's shoulder again, and it was nice, more than nice even.

  
  
The next day Tony sent a diaper  bouquet to the pudgy artist to thank him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://bill-longbow.tumblr.com)!


End file.
